My kokki to patriarchy

The heart of patriarchy is control. The head of patriarchy is to serve to male members of the family. I had been raised in a very liberal family. My dad loves waking at 4 am and cooking idlis before my mom could even wake up and would serve her tea every morning. Dad also regularly does some house hold chores. I got married via arranged marriage in a highly patriarchial household and had been living with in laws together for the past decade.

While I had given in many times, to be fair my in-laws have too accepted me quite a bit.

My mother in law belonged to the previous era. Her daily routine is highly disciplined and fits to the clock. She had initially expected the same from me! Face palm moment. Every day I would wake up at different times and ultimately she gave up on me.

Control comes in various forms. Coaxing to eat what they cook, getting dresses that they like for me, setting rules to visit parents, finding fault with your family etc. The fun is breaking all the control structure.

Controlling the kitchen is one of the most important ritual of patriarchy and deciding what to serve for whom.

The gravest insult you can give to the system is to eat the icing in the cake or the choicest dishes solely prepared for the earning male of the family. Some days it is buying what you like or visiting your family as you wish.

While we have both accepted and co exist reasonably, some days I shake a bit of patriarchy and enjoy the fun.

Breaking patriarchy needs male allies. It is unfortunate that the gate keepers of this regressive method of control have been the victims of patriarchy. I have many days encourage mil to have fun her own way and take care of her needs. Some days she listens, some days not.

11 thoughts on “My kokki to patriarchy

  1. So many similarities! Growing up I always have seen my dad handle the kitchen while my mum used to do the household chores. After marriage it was a shock to my system when the joint family i got into had their own rules about who does what. The most irritating one was to serve the males first and then the ladies would eat. Took me half an year to change this habit for all

    • Good that you changed their eating habits , Visha.. some days when I have energy I would convince mil to eat along with us. While she is ok with me and husband eating together ,she would seldom join us.

  2. I get you. My brother and I have been raised in a liberal way by my parents. It is difficult for me to be a silent spectator to some of the practices followed by others – like women eating last (only eating the leftovers), men not doing any house chores, only women looking after sick people while some men don’t even lift their fingers. Kudos to you for breaking the wheel. I know it is not easy. If we women want things to change, we must be vocal about our opinions and do things our way. We are our own saviours.

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